The Positives of Being an Eclectic Author

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The other day I began a new story although I have at least other nine in progress. 
I feel guilty for not continuing/ending those that have maybe only a few chapters missing. But I can’t do it and today, Sunday 20 August 2017, I finally understood why.
Professional authors start a story and focus all their energies on finishing it. Mostly because they have a deadline – if they are lucky enough to be traditionally published. Which means they have signed a contract that needs to be respected. 
On the other hand, if they don’t have a contract they still feel the need to finish it because everybody says it’s the right way to do it. “Don’t start something if you are not intended to finish.” Ironically enough, I am exactly that type of person. When I start something, I do whatever it takes to complete it. 
I can’t do that with my stories, and that is only because I have a tremendous respect and consideration for my readers. Despite writing what I want, I don’t write for myself. Without you reading, I can’t call myself a writer. Although, technically, I am a writer. But without you, I am one of the other umpteenth millions like me. 

I have no contract signed with a traditional publishing company – I am still waiting – but I have set one deadline for myself. Not specific deadlines for any of my stories though. It’s a very unique type of deadline  – which I am not going to reveal at this moment in time.

When I realised that writing is what I would like to do when I grow up (:D), I made myself one promise only: to invest everything into pursuing this impossible dream until the day I close my eyes forever. Money/resources, time, energy.

It’s been less than two years, and I am keeping my promise regardless of the countless setbacks. I reduced my working days to the minimum that allows me to pay my bills; I gave up to every social life, and all I do when I am not at work, is writing or educating myself. Nothing else.
If I decide to watch a movie to allow my brain to distance a little from writing, is a movie that I know will teach me something. They are in fact inspirational/motivational movies based on human behaviour and the infinite secrets of the mind. Technically, I never rest. 
Every Thursday morning I start writing or educating myself until the next Monday when I go to work. I don’t go out unless I am obliged to run errands that can’t be run online.

Since January 2017 I noticed that I am stuck. Big time. I have what we call “Writer’s block.”
I have published a few books that I wrote before. Last years was very prolific for me.
I did my best to continue (and end) the nine stories I initiated previously. I wrote against my will many times. I forced my mind to create until I felt it bleeding. I cried from frustration and anger. I felt stupid and unfit for the role I took for myself.
I have put down on Word a lot, but the pages I wrote didn’t trigger any emotion inside me. I wasn’t happy with the way the plots developed. I didn’t like them. Therefore, I deleted everything I wrote when I didn’t want to. That was a waste of time and energy. I am upset. I will never, ever, force myself to create something my mind disapproves of. 

‘I refuse to publish anything that doesn’t trigger strong emotions inside me. I respect my readers too much. I can’t deliver something I wouldn’t read. I will not sell my soul. Nobody can force me to do that.’

This Friday I started a new story, very different from all the others I focused my attention on until now. That’s when I realised that I am not a typical writer. I don’t have only one genre I enjoy writing. No. I have many. I am an eclectic author. That’s why I can’t continue the stories left in a half. My brain needs to develop other styles and narratives. I didn’t run out of creativity, I obfuscated it on purpose from the desire to follow guidelines that don’t apply to me.

Most agents or/and publishers in this world insist with vehemence on the fact that every writer who wants to be successful needs to focus on one genre which is what people want to read. They must start a story based on the public's need/request and focus on finishing it at any cost. That’s why we get blocked. That’s why so many great authors write poor stories from time to time. Stories they wouldn’t waste their time reading.

I am not a famous writer – yet – that’s why I am writing whatever my heart feels like. If I am stuck with a story, I start another. That way I don’t waste any of your time or mine. At some point, my heart and brain (hopefully concomitantly) will go back and finish every tale I started. Which means that all my stories are written from within for your enjoyment. Because I care about you. Without you, I wouldn’t call myself an author.
PS: A possible regular agent would hate my guts. But this is MY impossible dream and I am going to fight the invisible foe until the end of time. There is a market for everything in the universe. My style will get noticed. Hopefully, before the end of this life.

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