Sunday, 21 August 2016

Compliments hunter or Low self esteem?


Have you ever wondered why some people can't take a compliment?

I have, many times, that's why I thought I would start observing a few people and see what happens.
I've started with myself. Obviously.
As I've confessed in the previous post, I wasn't always been able to accept a compliment without terrible blushing or worse, dismissing it completely. Sometimes I even thought were just cruel jokes, told with the clear intent of making fun of me.
Why was that?
Because my self-esteem was very low.
"Beautiful, elegant, intelligent? I am none of these adjectives ... why would anyone see me in these ways?"
I was terribly sceptical and cynical.


Self-esteem isn't something tangible, it's all in our minds
So I've started working with my mind - for several years - against it.
It's a been a very challenging and exhausting fight; lost many battles, but won in the end. 
Nowadays, I simply say "thank you" when someone makes an effort to compliment me.
Whoever gets to meet me is absolutely convinced that I am an extremely confident person, fully aware of my strengths. 

Once I familiarised myself with the psychology of self-esteem, I learnt how to distinguish a false compliment from an honest one.
It's common for people to compliment someone when they want something from that person.
- I will write a different post on this subject. -

As I said, I have been studying this phenomenon for many years and I have noticed quite a few things about women's inability to accept a compliment.
It isn't only and always a low self-esteem behind it, sometimes is exactly the opposite. Arrogance for clarity: “I deserve a better compliment. I am more beautiful than most.”

Others are compliments hunters and if you have the bad luck to get into a discussion with these people, you'll come out completely drained of energy and faith in the humans' capacity for thinking.

Here is the first example from personal experience.

Me: You look gorgeous. This dress suits you perfectly!”
The compliment hunter: “You reckon? I look nothing like you.”
Me: Why would you want to look like me?! We are all unique. You have a beautiful body and you're in great shape.”
The compliment hunter smiling: “Oh, no, you're perfect. I should work out more.”
Me:" I think you look great and don't need to burn yourself out. Have a look in the mirror.”
The hunter: “My abdomen isn't flat like yours.”
Me: “You might be right, but I didn't give birth to any child, while you had. You should be proud of your looks. I mean it!”
The hunter: “Yeah, but I don't like myself.”
Me, more and more frustrated: "Why? You're a very beautiful woman. Can't you see that?!"



I looked at this woman and it was clear she's very aware of her looks which didn't make any sense... .
The discussion continued on the same note for at least 5 minutes when I had to excuse myself as I had better ways of spending my time.

A second example of a friend's experience with the beautiful sex (is the name Romanians use for women)
My friend: “You look beautiful today.”
Woman: “What?! So I don't look beautiful every day, just today!”
My friend: “I didn't mean that is just a way of saying.”
Woman: “You don't even mean it?!”
My friend.:” I do mean it, I wouldn't say it otherwise.”
Woman: “You're a horrible person! Stay away from me.”


The third example, a different male friend in a relationship.
Male: “You are the most beautiful woman in the world.”
Girlfriend: “Are you comparing me to other women?”
Male: “ No. I just made you a compliment.”
Girlfriend: “You look at every woman on this planet then?”
Male: “You are the only woman in this Universe for me.”
Girlfriend: “How the hell can I be the most beautiful of them all if I am the only woman on earth!?”
Male: “Oh, come-on, you know what I mean...”
Girlfriend: “I have no idea, but I don't want to see you for a while. Trip cancelled!”

Stories like these happen every second. A silly source of frustrations, misunderstandings, aggressions....
Such a waste of time and energy....
There are so many important things we could focus on, instead, we fight over a compliment.

No matter the reasons you don't like a compliment, just say THANK YOU and move on with your life.

If you appreciate it, don't hesitate to like, share, comment, or join me on Facebook, on the other blogs I own: Carpe Diem De gustibus non est disputandumPovestea Isabellei, and on LinkedIn.

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Thank you for your visit. See you soon, amazing human being.

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