Sunday, 26 February 2017

Crush


I must warn you, I had a glass of red wine before starting to write this silly post.

I am stuck with two finished books ready to be published.
I cannot write a blurb to submit them to a literary agent/publisher.
A writer unable to write a blurb. Who would have thought?
Anyway, it makes sense if you think about it. A writer is not a business person although he/she writes for a living.
However, I am disappointed in myself... oh wait, is it disappointed with, by, in?!? Which preposition is correct? I looked up online and couldn't come with a straight answer. Never mind.

This post is just for taking my mind away from writing as I am on the edge of insanity.

I watched Assassin's Creed yesterday. Yeap. Me, a person who despise any sort of violence. Full of contradiction I am, I am very much aware of that, don't worry.

But I didn't watch it for the plot. I actually didn't like it at all. And I didn't watch it because of the game... I am not a computer/play station player. The only games I play are words games on Merriam-Webster. Hmmm... curious how I think they stole my idea with the picture on this page.

Anyway, I watched Assasin's Creed because of Michael Fassbender. I have a crush on him. He is utterly irresistible. The sexiest man alive - besides Enrique Iglesias, of course.

Picture from Powellong
Before him, I had a crush on Jensen Ackles - one of the two protagonists of Supernatural - a TV show.

Picture from freshwallpapers
And I finally realised that I do have a type in matter of men: tall, white collars = men in suit, handsome, funny, VIP = unattainable. Yeap. That's why I am single. - And because I am nuts, but don't tell anyone.

If I was lesbian I would have a crush on Monica Bellucci, Kate Winslet and... myself. Yeap. A little narcissism can't do me any harm, can it?

I discovered Michael Fassbender when I watched 12 Years a Slave and the role he played disgusted me. Brrr.
Then I watched Steve Jobs because Kate Winslet was in it (my favourite actress). I wasn't impressed much, neah.
But A Dangerous method, wow! That was... wow! I loved the role he played, although he wasn't a good guy.
I think that was when I thought he was an amazingly good looking human. Maybe because I am interested in psychology and Carl Jung is one of my favourite psychiatrists, quite unclear why I liked him so much. To be fair, Keira Knightley played brilliantly, as usual.
I have to watch Jane Eyre as I love Charlotte Brontë. Absolutely.

I also like Benedict Cumberbatch, but I don't think is because of his handsomeness, more because of his role in Sherlock Holmes. Arrogant prick, but what a genius!

However, despite my crush on him, I will not watch Alien: Covenant. That's too much for me. Sorry. Assasin's Creed is my limit.

I have come back to the post 5 minutes after I published it because I remembered I had a crush on Theo James while watching the Divergent series.

Image from 
Then again, I loved  Eddie Redmayne in The Theory of Everything. Beautiful British accent and freckles!!!
As you can see, my crushes are very volatile. They normally last for a few hours, or days. But definitely, I do not spend my time dreaming about them.
It happens when I watch a movie with them.
I don't think is a matter of physical appearance as is a matter of talent, my state of mind and the role they play. God knows who will be the next.

Image from Wallpaperscraft

Friday, 24 February 2017

Burnt


I am tired.
It is not a tiredness that one can just shake off with a quiet holiday in a nice location.
No. A month,  a year, or a decade wouldn't do me any good. On the contrary. A week away will make me feel so guilty... "I have wasted precious time..."
I reached the ultimate level of exhaustion.

But how one gets here?
Forty years of breathing without actually living. The surviving mode is called.

I need something good to happen in my life. 

I used to read a lot and that was my way of evading the cruel reality.  
Now I write, don't have time for reading much, I have my own stories to tell. 
But life is passing me by and I am losing hope.

After I finished my first novel, more and less a month ago, I started the look for ways to publish it.
How many times you've heard writers complaining about how difficult is to get noticed? 
Infinite times I guess. So do I.
I thought I've seen them all. In the end, life is a battle itself. However, getting published is so much more than that.
You need to find someone to believe in you, and if you can't, money could help you.

What if you cannot find that person and you don't have the money? 
Well, you're doomed.

But what if you are a writer and the language you write in is not your mother tongue? 
What if not even your friends are able to see beyond your language skills? 
What if you are waking up at 4 Am every morning only to guide your body and mind towards the road of perdition?
What if you are fighting against the wind?
What if it's not your destiny to fulfil your dream on this earth? 

Is there anyone that could answer these questions? 
God? The Universe? Aliens maybe? Michael Fassbender? Benedict Cumberbatch?
What if only a miracle could save you? 

I don't know. I thought I believed in miracles.



P.S.
You might have seen "Burnt", the movie in which Bradley Cooper is a famous chef who only feels that the kitchen is the only place he belonged.
Although this is an inspirational movie, I avoided to watch it for a very long time because it brought to mind terrible memories.
Tonight I watched it to prove myself that I can overcome restrictions and phobias. I am not sure it was a good idea.
There is one scene in that movie that scared me to death. On the floor, defeated, he cried, "I am tired."
I know exactly what he meant. However, he was not alone. A writer has only the paper and the pen, the typewriter or the computer. These cannot speak to you. Unless you are hearing voices.
I am not there yet. Thank God!



Friday, 17 February 2017

The Theory of Blame

This post is a continuation of "Are my parents perfect?"

When I was a child, people used to think that humans can't change. There was an absolute belief going around: "If you're born from two bad people, you are doomed to be bad too. No matter what. You had no power to modify or correct a poor behaviour. You only had to accept it and move on."
I always disagreed with that and when I grew up, I found out that I was right to refuse that conviction.

People can change, people can learn new skills, people can be great, people can be human, no matter where and from whom they are born.
People can be absolutely everything they want to be. 



There are humans who blame their parents for physical and/or psychological abuses. Such an abomination these parents who shouldn't have children.
But guess what? The children who were abused do exactly the same to their children.

Why is that? Whose fault is it now? Their parents? 
What if those parents blamed their parents?! 
And what if these parents, again, blamed their parents? Is this circle of blame ever going to break?

The equation of blame will never be solved if we don't stop, look inside us, and do our absolute best to solve it.

Here is how.
Can you read, hear, speak, see? Then what's stopping you from becoming the person you want to be? Watch documentaries, read books, educate yourself.
You want to be able to knit, ride a bicycle, play an instrument, cook a great meal, write a book?
All you need is willpower, knowledge, and goals. From there is one single thing to do: Practise. 

You are the master of your true essence. Your parents might have given you bad examples, but you don't have to follow them.

Stop being a victim, stop blaming your parents, your partner, the society, the president or the king, the global warming or the weather.

Blame + blame - action = blame. Action - blame = greatness. Simple as that.

If today you're a criminal, it is not because of what was done on to you, but because of what you didn't do to yourself.

If you can't cook, it is not your mother's fault.
If you're an alcoholic and beat your children, it is not your father to blame.
If you smoke, it is not because it's in your DNA.
If you can't resist temptations, it is not because your grand grandfather was an inveterate cards player.

YOU have the power and the huge potential to be a great person, despite your heredity. It is all within YOU!

I know that this post will attract a lot of polemics and divergent opinions, but you know as well as I do, it's the honest and cruel truth.


If you appreciate it, don't hesitate to like, share, comment, or join me on Facebook, on the other blogs I own: Carpe Diem De gustibus non est disputandumPovestea Isabellei, and on LinkedIn.

Thank you for your visit. See you soon, amazing human being.

Friday, 10 February 2017

Dear Literary Agent – I am a great investment!



I am a writer, Yes I am!
You haven't heard about me yet, but I fall asleep replying to your phone call.
You - “Hello. May I speak with Cristina G?”
Me - “Speaking.”
You – “I know you're a writer and I am interested in helping you get published.”
Me - “....”
You - “Cristina? Hello?! Are you still there?”
Me - “Yes, sorry,” wiping off my tears, “What took you so long?”

Everyone has a dream, mine is to become a world-class writer. You've heard this countless times before. So have I. I am sorry, I can't invent new words to attract your attention.
What about this? 
I wake up at 4:15 Am three or four days a week. I don't go out, I don't watch TV, I am not present on social media, and I keep my phone switched off for 23 hours a day.
When I don't go to work, I write.
When I don't write, I study. 
When I don't study, I sleep. 
When I don't sleep, I cook and eat. 
And when I don't eat, I fast. For at least three days in a row. Luckily, breathing comes naturally.

If your dream is to find a writer you can count on, don't look further: I am your best bet.

My life is on hold, I only live when I write. And I am so tired of being ripped off of ideas every time I publish a new post! Loads of people are making money on behalf of my work when my parents are struggling. It's dispiriting.

I have been looking for an agent/publisher since I've started writing. What a despondent and time-consuming task! It made me lose hope and courage to keep working on my dream. So I gave up on the unsuccessful search and dared to ask my friends if they could help. Of course, they couldn't. Everybody's got a life.
Then I decided I will be publishing myself. Self-publishing that is. I spent a few weeks looking for the right company to give life to my stories. And I am still very undecided. Mostly because I am a traditionalist, but also because of my low budget.

I have loads of intricate stories to tell, many are real, some are fiction, others are a mix between the two.
I am worried I won't have enough time to put them all down on paper if I keep investing my time searching for a needle in a haystack.

Please, would you take a chance on me? I promise you won't regret it.

Here are some things about me.

Weaknesses:
  • I am not a child anymore.
  • My English is work in progress.

Strengths:
  • Huge life experience and incredible background.
  • Boundless potential.
  • Overwhelming passion and grit.
  • Versatility.
  • An inexhaustible source of amazing ideas.
  • Outstanding determination.
  • I might be writing about common subjects, but my style is far from ordinary.

Pluses: very pleasant appearance, charisma, great cooking skills. I could cook for you anytime.

I have been working incredibly hard for so many years to get here, and the best is yet to come.
I believe I have the right qualities to impress the world with my compelling (and easy to read) stories and I am looking forward to hearing from you. Please, do not delay much, my parents are running out of time.

Image from Pixabay

Your next favourite writer,
Cristina G.


Friday, 3 February 2017

Romania's run out of hope


My heart is heavy and thousands of tears are rolling down my face seeing my country in complete chaos again.

So many years of an oppressive communist regime, then too many of corrupted governments. We have nothing left.
The country is empty.
The factories are gone. 
The forests were sold, stolen or simply given for free to anyone who showed interest.
The younger generations are spread around the world.
Siblings don't see one another for dozens of years.
Parents are left alone. 
Children don't recognise their parents anymore.
Families only gather together at a funeral.

I haven't seen my siblings jointly in almost 20 years.

Is there anything we could do to save our country? 
Is there anyone who could help us getting out of this madness situation? 

I am one of those people who doesn't regret the communist period because my parents were slaves on their own land and for countless other reasons. I would never want Ceausescu back, but these beings are destroying what remained intact of my country.

Every time it is a new election, we hope to put in charge people who really care for their nation and not exclusively for their pockets and bank accounts. But they are all the same. They are feeding us lies and empty promises and we believe them. And when they didn't deliver or even tried to what all said they most definitely will, we lowered our heads and moved on by inertly thinking it will be over soon. "The next one will be better." But the next one is exactly the same. A wolf in sheep's clothing,

We are alone at the mercy of a bunch of creatures who are no different from Ceausescu. They only have other names, but same means.

Every government we had/have after the Ceausescu's was/is worse than the previous.
Instead of fixing what he destroyed, they knocked and keep us down, stepping on our dignity and intelligence with every new rule, law, decree, press conference, etc.
They refuse to give answers to people in despair and it reminds me of Ceausescu's replies to the heavy accusations: "I will only answer in front of the Grand National Assembly."
Except today is the Grand National Assembly asking! You HAVE to answer!

I would like to go home, but I can't take care of myself or help my parents in there. I have tried a few times. It didn't work out.
I am grateful for the chance to travel and see the world, learn new languages and cultures, but I feel like I don't belong anywhere anymore. 
My passport says I am Romanian, but am I Romanian if I am forced to live in countries which are not mine? I almost forgot to speak my language which I adore.
If I'd take the Italian nationality, would I be Italian? I don't think so.
What if I'd ask for the British citizenship, would I have the right to call myself British?
I could never feel British, Italian or French because I was born and lived in Romania for 24 + 4 years! My favourite cuisine is Romanian, I feel so attached to my roots and traditions. I am for Romania in every competition, and it hurts when people discriminate any of my nationals.
I wish my country to be considered worthy of respect and consideration.

Romania is gorgeous and has a great long history. But we are known as thieves, beggars, and criminals. I am none of these and there are millions like me!

My heart is completely broken when I see the desperation of people who went out on the streets to shout and cry for their freedom and rights again.

May God have mercy of my fellow citizens. I hope and pray for a miracle. Too many eras of darkness. We can't go on like this. 
A whole country on its knees, overwhelmed by poverty and no opportunities. "We run out of everything. Enough!" Children and elderly cry out in unison.

Romanians to the Universe: Emergency. SOS. Mayday. Help. Please!


Source: Express

Please share if you have a Romanian heart beating in your chest. 

In case you love reading, please have a look at my eBook about Ceausescu's regime (the first fragment of my autobiography), and write a review if you have two minutes. You will be helping me to help my parents.

Thank you for your visit. See you soon, amazing human being.