Sunday, 20 August 2017

The Positives of Being an Eclectic Author

The other day I began a new story although I have at least other nine in progress. 
I feel guilty for not continuing/ending those that have maybe only a few chapters missing. But I can’t do it and today, Sunday 20 August 2017, I finally understood why.
Professional authors start a story and focus all their energies on finishing it. Mostly because they have a deadline – if they are lucky enough to be traditionally published. Which means they have signed a contract that needs to be respected. 
On the other hand, if they don’t have a contract they still feel the need to finish it because everybody says it’s the right way to do it. “Don’t start something if you are not intended to finish.” Ironically enough, I am exactly that type of person. When I start something, I do whatever it takes to complete it. 
I can’t do that with my stories, and that is only because I have a tremendous respect and consideration for my readers. Despite writing what I want, I don’t write for myself. Without you reading, I can’t call myself a writer. Although, technically, I am a writer. But without you, I am one of the other umpteenth millions like me. 

I have no contract signed with a traditional publishing company – I am still waiting – but I have set one deadline for myself. Not specific deadlines for any of my stories though. It’s a very unique type of deadline  – which I am not going to reveal at this moment in time.

When I realised that writing is what I would like to do when I grow up (:D), I made myself one promise only: to invest everything into pursuing this impossible dream until the day I close my eyes forever. Money/resources, time, energy.

It’s been less than two years, and I am keeping my promise regardless of the countless setbacks. I reduced my working days to the minimum that allows me to pay my bills; I gave up to every social life, and all I do when I am not at work, is writing or educating myself. Nothing else.
If I decide to watch a movie to allow my brain to distance a little from writing, is a movie that I know will teach me something. They are in fact inspirational/motivational movies based on human behaviour and the infinite secrets of the mind. Technically, I never rest. 
Every Thursday morning I start writing or educating myself until the next Monday when I go to work. I don’t go out unless I am obliged to run errands that can’t be run online.

Since January 2017 I noticed that I am stuck. Big time. I have what we call “Writer’s block.”
I have published a few books that I wrote before. Last years was very prolific for me.
I did my best to continue (and end) the nine stories I initiated previously. I wrote against my will many times. I forced my mind to create until I felt it bleeding. I cried from frustration and anger. I felt stupid and unfit for the role I took for myself.
I have put down on Word a lot, but the pages I wrote didn’t trigger any emotion inside me. I wasn’t happy with the way the plots developed. I didn’t like them. Therefore, I deleted everything I wrote when I didn’t want to. That was a waste of time and energy. I am upset. I will never, ever, force myself to create something my mind disapproves of. 

‘I refuse to publish anything that doesn’t trigger strong emotions inside me. I respect my readers too much. I can’t deliver something I wouldn’t read. I will not sell my soul. Nobody can force me to do that.’

This Friday I started a new story, very different from all the others I focused my attention on until now. That’s when I realised that I am not a typical writer. I don’t have only one genre I enjoy writing. No. I have many. I am an eclectic author. That’s why I can’t continue the stories left in a half. My brain needs to develop other styles and narratives. I didn’t run out of creativity, I obfuscated it on purpose from the desire to follow guidelines that don’t apply to me.

Most agents or/and publishers in this world insist with vehemence on the fact that every writer who wants to be successful needs to focus on one genre which is what people want to read. They must start a story based on the public's need/request and focus on finishing it at any cost. That’s why we get blocked. That’s why so many great authors write poor stories from time to time. Stories they wouldn’t waste their time reading.

I am not a famous writer – yet – that’s why I am writing whatever my heart feels like. If I am stuck with a story, I start another. That way I don’t waste any of your time or mine. At some point, my heart and brain (hopefully concomitantly) will go back and finish every tale I started. Which means that all my stories are written from within for your enjoyment. Because I care about you. Without you, I wouldn’t call myself an author.
PS: A possible regular agent would hate my guts. But this is MY impossible dream and I am going to fight the invisible foe until the end of time. There is a market for everything in the universe. My style will get noticed. Hopefully, before the end of this life.

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Thank you and see you soon, amazing human being. 

Image from Pixabay

Wednesday, 16 August 2017

Motivation & Procrastination

If the motivation to do or start something, The Change, in this case, doesn't come or is weak, is because there are too many things to do. When you consider them at once, they look impossible, but if you do one thing at the time, they are quite easy.

This happens to me all the time.
Let's take one of my days. Any, really. They are all the same.Or even better, some are worst/busier than others. Going to work is not included in this. That's something that we need to do. We can't escape that. Unless we are very rich, of course.
I have to write 30 pages today (or 2 chapters);
I need to write posts on my 4 blogs. Which one should I pick today? When was the last time I wrote on my recipe blog?
I have to reply to the emails from John, Gregg, Lisa, Vania and other six - I have postponed enough;
I must take care of advertising by creating loads of accounts of various websites. Write descriptions and other boring stuff; 
Make a cover, create a new account, pay the bills, etc., etc.,
I have to call my sister, brother, parents, random friends; 
I have a meeting in the evening; 
And the list can continue, I promise. Some days I think I'll crash on the floor.
When I look at them as a whole, a sense of profound desperation sets on my shoulders. "I can't possibly do all these in 24 hours. I am exhausted. I need to sleep."
Today I felt this, but it happens quite often.
However, after a few minutes of anger, frustration and fatigue I realise that I can't breathe. I am in panic. Panic never helps. Take a bag and breathe in it. I am not joking. It really works. I do it all the time.
After that, I buckle up and to do them one at the time. I make a list, prioritise, make counts to see which would be more advisable to start with and I do them one by one.
I have a dream. I would love to have someone to help me. I would love to have days in which I could afford not to do anything. I would... like now. I have been working for four days. When I didn't work, I slept. I didn't even eat because I had too much to do. Wait, I just lied, I ate celery and nectarines. And drank coffee.
If we want to do something extraordinary in our lives, if we have a goal, we need to focus and learn to prioritise.
But don't go to bed, watch a movie or see a friend instead. Don't do what many people do which is not starting because it seems difficult. Because there are too many things. Too many things to change, too many things to do, too many people and variable to consider.
You focus on your life, on the present moment. You organise the time. You make a list and stick with it.
Of course there are going to be days in which you won't be able to do everything you said you would do.
It happens. I feel frustrated again. The lump in my throat is back. When I look back I know I did my best to respect my commitments, but something didn't go as planned. Or I took care of things were not in the plan at all. I had an emergency maybe. A friend needed to talk to me. A visit to the bank, to the post office, and so on.
Unforeseen circumstances. But we need to adapt, adjust, and plan again.
We don't give up. We don't stay in bed crying. We don't eat chips and watch silly videos thinking we will never make it "so what's the point?"
If we do that, it's clear we will indeed, never make it. Time is not irreversible. Things don't take care of themselves. If we postpone them forever, we will die complaining without taking enough action.
Don't do that!

If the change doesn't occur in a very long period of time despite your efforts is either because you are doing something wrong or not enough. Change strategy after you did your best to follow one without a break. Adapt and keep working on yourself.
The things might look bad, as they are for me after so many years of hard work.
But I don't give up. I can't give up. If I give up, it's over.
Never give up.

This is a fragment from my self-help publication, It's Never Game Over. It's a great book.

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Thank you and see you soon, amazing human being. 

Image from Pixabay

Thursday, 10 August 2017

Distractions & Dreams

I used to adore phones when I was two or three. I don't know what happened after that that I started being afraid of them. I can't stand them anymore. If I could, I wouldn't have one.
Speaking on the phone for more than 1 minute, it's a huge waste of time for me. 

A year back, I've got a phone call from a random company. Spam we call these sort of calls. The foreign guy didn't sell anything, he just needed me to reply to a few questions. As I always try to be nice and patient with these sort of things, I offered him 5 minutes and replied to his questions. 
I got very frustrated after this time as it seemed that the questions were infinite. 
Since then, I started to receive at least ten calls a day from various companies, mostly car accidents related. Except I don't have a car in England. 
I blocked the numbers, but of course, they know that and adapt. They are very resourceful. 
Calling people to propose a business or to ask for charity, should be punishable by law. Especially when you call more than three times. 
I wrote about this before. 
Yesterday I got nine calls. I can't get upset with the people who call. It's their job. But I don't pick up. I didn't pick up in a very long time. Which means that someone who actually needs to talk to me, can't get hold of me either. That's the price you pay when you are nice to someone who asks questions over the phone. 
Don't ever reply to these questions unless you are intended to change your phone number. 
Don't shout and insult these people. It's their job to call and trust me, it's one of the worst. You think about how would you feel being insulted while doing your job. Does that feel nice? I don't think so. 
If they have your number, it's because you ticked a box somewhere that said it was okay for them to share your number with others. They didn't steal your number, you gave it to them in a way or another. Be upset with you and pay more attention next time. 

I am a writer who was afraid to dream that she has the right to want to be a writer until she turned forty. My time on this earth is limited. So it's yours. 

A writer writes. Yes, that's what they do if you didn't know. There is no such a thing as "free time" for writers. Not even 5 minutes a day. 
If they don't write, they think about how to develop a story. They need to find names, decides how many words, chapters and pages a book has to have. 
Writers don't go out. 
Writers need peace and quiet at every time. That's why many of these people live in utter solitude and indigence. 
Writers can't spend time on social networks. 
They don't watch TV or listen to the radio. 
Writers don't live "normal" lives. They live in the story they create in a certain moment. 
Their brains work even when they are asleep. The mind connects invisible dots, individuates flaws and inconsistencies in the story, and many other things. Any distractions break this flaw. 
You can't, no, you shouldn't pull them out with any random excuse. Not even if the house is on fire. 

I lost forty years of my life. I can't waste a minute more. 
Every time you feel offended or upset that our relationship is cold and we don't interact as we used to and you pretend attention from me, I take time from my stories. Time that I don't have. 
You stab me in the heart and send me to the grave before I finish to put in writing everything I need to. 
Why are you so selfish and cruel? Why is your life more important than mine?
I don't ask anything from you. I just want to live the life I chose. I sacrificed everything to be able to do this. 
If I spend my time on Skype, messenger, phone, social networks, etc. when do I have time to write and develop a story in my mind? My day has 24 hours just like yours. 
You cannot lay in bed complaining about the weather and ask me to call someone on your behalf. I cannot stand making phone calls. It kills me. I don't call people on my behalf, to be honest. I write emails. And I use Google when I don't know how to do something. Anything. Google has all the answers. Wherever you are, at any time and hour, Google has thousands of solutions to all your problems. You have time to play games, but you don't know how to do a research online? 
LEARN! Nobody was born already knowing things. We all have to learn everything. 
Wait, what? You need to relax? 
This might come as a total surprise for you, but I am human too. I too need to relax. Yes. I am tired, despondent, in pain too. Except I don't have time!

My time has the same value as yours. Be respectful. If I don't call you, I don't take anything from you. But if I do call you, I take everything from me. 
Do you get what I am saying? No? Read again because I told you many times and you didn't want to hear. 
Why is your pain more painful than mine? How do you know how I feel inside when you never listen? You refuse to understand my very clear statements. 

You can do whatever you please with your time, but don't interfere with mine. 
I have a dream and very limited time. What part of the phrase: "It's my life!" is not clear to you? 30 minutes on speaking about nothing are several hours or days to get back in a mind's writer. It is not an automatic process. You go back to your life normally... I don't. 

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Thank you and see you soon, amazing human being. 

Friday, 4 August 2017

My novels make me emotional

I don't know you, but when I read the stories I write, I feel incredibly emotional.
No... I cry... big, big time. I sob like an abandoned child. It hurts so badly... unless it's a happy story. As the one I am correcting now.
The sequel of Half my Age Plus Seven. In complete opposition to the previous one.
If that was filled with belligerent actions and feelings, this is packed with love and joy. An absolute bliss to all people who believe in love.
A story of hope.

From what I heard, if a writer gets emotional to his/her fictional stories, it means they will transmit the same emotions to random readers.

My tales are exclusively for soulful humans. People who feel pain, bliss and hope. Not for robots with no heart and soul. Or brain.
I would love to sell loads of books and make a living from this, but the most important thing for me is to transmit emotions to my readers.
I follow the rule: "Don't write anything you wouldn't like reading." I love all the stories I publish. There are a few I am not satisfied with, but they are on my hard disk waiting for a rewrite.
I won't spread the work I am not proud of.

So, read my tales, human. And leave a review generous in stars. I put my heart and soul into them. The words could be just a few. The stars have a stronger impact.
"What goes around, comes around." Maybe not right away, but at some point, you will receive what you give. Make no mistake.

If you appreciated it, don't hesitate to like, share, comment, or join me on Facebook.
But most importantly, if you like reading follow me on Amazon.
If you bought any of my books, please, take two minutes to leave a short (or long) review. Be generous with the stars, I beg of you.
Thank you and see you soon, amazing human being. 

Image from Pixabay

Saturday, 29 July 2017

The impossible dream

Following my previous post, here is another incredible performance of highly determined people.

As I wrote in my book, It's Never Game Over, when I am down and in need of motivation, I watch people who succeeded in a way or another.
I believe that Britain's got Talent indeed. This is the country where people who have a dream might see it come true.
This song has become the song of my life. I never heard it before.

I have been home for three days and couldn't do much. I tried to write, but the words didn't flow. I corrected some of my novels. And today, when my heartbeats slowed down and I could barely breathe, I realised why I can't do anything right: I am in unbearable physical pain, and I didn't even consider that. I thought I was just very tired.
Despite that, I worked on my dream. There is time to rest when I close my eyes forever.

I had many dreams in my life and I have never told anyone about them. I believe it is time to put them in writing as I never saw them written down either.
  • The first one was to become a ballerina and dance the Waltz of the Flowers by Tchaikovsky – I was probably five,
  • Then it was stewardess so I could travel the world – Ironically enough I never travelled,
  • Interior designer – when I was studying carpentry,
  • Fashion designer – when I was eighteen,
  • Psychologist/Counsellor – when I lived in Italy,
  • And finally, Writer – the ultimate dream and I am sacrificing everything to fulfil it. Of course, this was my only real dream since I was eight. But who makes money from writing, right?
As you can see, none of them involved farming. Although I didn't know better, I dreamed better. That I owe to the books I read. They allowed me to dream. To fly freely from the communism's cage.  

I don't feel well at all. I have very high fever, but I work nonetheless. God bless all those who have a heart, a soul, and a dream.

These amazing guys sang just parts of the song. Below are all the lyrics and I would like this to be the song played when I will be... gone.

It appears that, once again, the fragment is from a musical  Man Of La Mancha – 1972
Music by Mitch Leigh; lyrics by Joe Darion

"To dream the impossible dream
To fight the unbeatable foe
To bear with unbearable sorrow
To run where the brave dare not go
To right the unrightable wrong
To love pure and chaste from afar
To try when your arms are too weary
To reach the unreachable star

This is my quest
To follow that star
No matter how hopeless
No matter how far

To fight for the right
Without question or pause
To be willing to march into Hell
For a heavenly cause

And I know if I'll only be true
To this glorious quest
That my heart will lie peaceful and calm
When I'm laid to my rest

And the world will be better for this
That one man (woman?) scorned and covered with scars
Still strove with his last ounce of courage
To reach the unreachable star."

If you appreciated it, don't hesitate to like, share, comment, or join me on Facebook.
But most importantly, if you like reading follow me on Amazon.
If you bought any of my books, please, take two minutes to leave a short (or long) review. Be generous with the stars, I beg of you.
Thank you and see you soon, amazing human being.