Surround yourself with people who support you

Since I've started writing, I had many people telling me that it's madness to think I would ever be successful in such a competitive field.

Despite telling them that I have to do it anyway, they still could not understand why I was so stubborn about it.

Expecting people to understand what you feel has become absurd. It's like we are all coming from different planets and speak different languages.

The struggles are not only between men and women but between every each of us.

My main interest is human mind, and I have always done my best to understand the dissimilarities in all of us. Because I have focused so much on my mind in the first place, and because I wanted to be honest and fair with myself, I can tell you that I appreciate many conflicting feelings we all have inside us.

Sometimes I look at people and wonder if they know who they are or even worse, do they want to know who they are?

No, most of us don't know and don't care about who we are. We just go through life like a duck swims across a lake. By inertia. Which is fine. We don't have to be conscious about how hollow that is. Life is difficult, so I understand why we ignore what defines humanity.

What I disagree with is the fact we tell people who have a dream that they are crazy, irresponsible, and delusional.

I have spent most of my life swimming across a lake I didn't like. It was freezing cold, black, and dirty and I shivered until the day I said no more. I am done swimming, I want to dive in, see what it's down there then get out of it for good. After that, I was put in front of two choices:

1. Make it over with it once it for all

2. Do my absolute best to fulfil a dream I never dreamt to dream (could anyone tell me if this is correct English? All my software say NO! It's really frustrating as I don't want to say: I never dreamt of dreaming.)

I chose the second option out of love for those who care about me. Or because I am a coward. It depends on your point of view.

All the motivational speakers I read or listen to advise every dreamer to stay away from those who pull them down, those who discourage them.

In a world where everything is uncertain, not many can appreciate the aims of others.

I recently told one of my friends that I spent a large amount of money to self-publish my first novel, Half my Age Plus Seven. She was shocked by my action.

I am not a child, I've done many things in my life that brought me here. I have thought of everything. I am very much aware of the fact that I might end up sleeping under a bridge, but when I promised myself I would do everything in my power to change my life, I was serious. I am ready to pay this price and even more because this is my dream.
If people cannot understand it, then I will walk alone.

Many of my friends consider my behaviour reckless. They are somehow convinced that they are helping me with their doubts and recommendations of playing safe.

I can't even ask them to understand. This is my dream. They cannot see what I see.

But I did ask them to stop telling me what's best for me.

I am the only one who knows what's best for me.

I don't want to live their lives, to follow their path, to have what they have. It's not for me. I was destined to do other things. This is my life and I am the master of my destiny. 

Les Brown (and many others) says that everyone will try to keep you down, not even on purpose. But they will so it's better to focus on your goal and ignore them. It's sad really. But I have to agree with him. Almost everybody is trying to discourage me. They don't even realise how much they hurt me. It's already terribly difficult to find against my own doubts. I gave up speaking with people about what I do and hope. They think I am crazy. Well, I am crazy. I have to be crazy.

I would like, of course, to be discovered. The sooner the better, but I am willing to wait. I have the rest of my days for that.

It's difficult for a writer to be successful. Not many people read. Besides, my style might result hefty for many as it treats the secrets and incongruities of human behaviour. Mind and heart in an endless fracas. It’s not for everyone.

But that’s my interest. I am very knowledgeable because I have been studying since I can remember. I am sure there is a market for it.

I go to sleep every night thinking that, one day, someone will say the things the judges told these guys after they were considered delusional. Very well done, guys! And I don't even like musicals!

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